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Feeling a little…
OVERWHELMED?
Let’s help you find a way to cope or ground yourself (or whoever you’re helping). Use the interactive space below to help you figure out how you’re feeling and what to do about it.
Let's figure out how you're feeling and what to do next.
Answer three quick questions to find grounding and coping skills that match who you are and what you're feeling.
These tools help with everyday big feelings. They don't replace a safety plan or care from a therapist. If you're in crisis, call or text 988, or see Alternatives to 988 for other options. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Psychoeducation
What is emotional regulation?
Emotions are not the problem. They are information. Regulation does not mean making feelings go away -- it means slowing down enough to notice what is happening, make sense of it, and choose what you do next, instead of the emotion choosing for you.
What it is -- and what it isn't
Emotional regulation IS
- Noticing what you're feeling before acting on it
- Widening the space between feeling and response
- Listening to your emotions as information
- Choosing how to respond, on purpose
- A skill that can be built with practice
- Something that looks different on different days
Emotional regulation is NOT
- Suppressing or pushing feelings away
- Staying calm all the time
- Never getting upset or overwhelmed
- Controlling what you feel
- A personality trait you either have or don't
- A sign of weakness when it's hard
Every emotion is information about what is happening and what matters to you. Regulation means listening to that information without letting it drive.
How emotions impact us
Emotions do three things at once: they send a message to you about what just happened, they signal to other people what you need, and they get your body ready to act. Fear readies you to protect yourself. Anger prepares you to push back on something unfair. Sadness slows you down so you can seek comfort. The problem isn't that the emotion showed up -- it's when the response the emotion is pushing you toward doesn't fit the situation, or the intensity is much bigger than what actually happened.
| Emotion | Often signals | May be asking for |
|---|---|---|
| Fear / anxiety | A threat, or uncertainty about what's coming | Safety, information, preparation, support |
| Anger | A boundary crossed, something unfair, a goal blocked | Protection, speaking up, setting a limit |
| Sadness | A loss, or something important missing | Comfort, rest, time to grieve, connection |
| Guilt | Acting against your own values | Repair, apology, making it right |
| Shame | Fear of being rejected or seen as "not enough" | Acceptance, self-compassion, belonging |
| Loneliness | Disconnection | Closeness, being seen, reaching out |
| Overwhelm | More demand than capacity right now | Less input, help, a break, one thing at a time |
The five-step process
Regulation doesn't happen all at once. Each step you add between the feeling and the action gives you a little more choice about what happens next.
The pause is the skill. Regulation starts in the body -- slow breathing, cold water, or movement can open a window wide enough to think clearly before you decide what to do.
Window of Tolerance
The zone where you can feel your feelings and still be okay
Developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance describes the zone of activation where you can process emotions, think clearly, and connect with others. When something pushes you outside that window, your nervous system shifts into survival mode.
Nervous system states
What changes your window
Your window is not fixed. It is narrower on days when you're tired, sick, stressed, or overloaded. That's not failure -- it's information. Leaving your window isn't a choice, and coming back takes practice and support.
What shrinks the window
- Poor sleep
- Chronic stress
- Unprocessed trauma
- Physical illness or pain
- Poor nutrition
- Grief or loss
- Sensory overload
- Rejection or pressure
Are you inside your window right now?
This quick check-in can help you notice where you are in this moment. There are no right or wrong answers.
Window of tolerance check-in
Answer honestly based on how you feel right now. This is just for you.
1. How does your body feel right now?
2. What are your thoughts like right now?
3. What are your emotions doing right now?
4. How do you feel about connecting with other people right now?
5. If something small went wrong right now (you spilled something, got a short text), how do you think you'd react?
Window of tolerance concept: Siegel (1999). Adapted from NICABM (2019) and psychoeducation materials used at ClearWaves Counseling.
DBT Skill
The STOP skill: a pause when emotions move fast
STOP is a DBT skill for the moment an emotion is pushing you to act right now. It gives you just enough room to run through the five-step process before you do something you might regret.
Freeze. Don't move a muscle. The emotion is pushing you to act fast -- resist that pull for one moment.
Physically or mentally step away. Take a breath. Do not act while you are this activated.
What's happening? What are you feeling? What is the situation -- just the facts? What does the emotion want you to do?
Ask: what will help right now? What response fits my goals? Act from that answer, not from the urge.
Emotions are waves -- they peak, then pass. The urge feels permanent at the peak. It isn't. If you don't feed a wave with more thoughts or actions, it usually crests and comes down on its own.
Emotions 101
Understanding emotions at every age
Emotional regulation looks a little different depending on where someone is developmentally. Here's how to think about it across three stages.
For kids
Kids are feelings detectives. Teach them to look for clues: what is my body doing? What feeling word fits? Is there a feeling hiding underneath (like "mad" sitting on top of "sad")? Does the size of my feeling match the size of the problem?
The order matters: calm the body first, then name the feeling, then solve the problem. A dysregulated brain can't problem-solve yet -- and that's not defiance, it's biology.
For teens
Teens can handle more nuance: separating facts from the story they're telling themselves, checking whether an emotion fits the situation, and noticing when anger or "I don't care" is covering hurt or embarrassment underneath.
Cold water on the face, a burst of movement, or slow breathing with a longer exhale can bring the body down enough to think. Then decide.
For adults
Adults can work through the full five-step process: identify, name, validate, understand, and choose. The key shift is moving from reacting (emotion chooses for you) to responding (you choose based on your goals and values).
When the feeling doesn't fit the facts, or is much bigger than the situation, opposite action -- doing the opposite of what the emotion is pushing you toward, all the way -- is one of the most effective tools.
Adapted from: DBT Adult Emotions 101, Emotions 101 for Teens, and Kids Emotions 101 / Feelings Detective psychoeducation materials, ClearWaves Counseling. DBT skills framework: Linehan (1993).
Let's figure out how you're feeling and what to do next.
Answer three quick questions to find grounding and coping skills that match who you are and what you're feeling.
These tools help with everyday big feelings. They don't replace a safety plan or care from a therapist. If you're in crisis, call or text 988, or see Alternatives to 988 for other options. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Need a little more help from a therapist?
I’m here to help! I currently work with neurodiverse adults, kids, teens, and families. I’m currently working at ClearWaves Counseling in Gilbert, Arizona under the supervision of the amazing Dezerrae Houk, LPC. As a clinical mental health counseling intern, BHPP, I’m ready to help you or whoever you’re seeking help for.
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I’m currently working at ClearWaves Counseling in Gilbert, Arizona under the supervision of the amazing Dezerrae Houk, LPC. Neurodiverse individuals typically like to see where they’ll be so here are a few photos to orient you to the space.
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